Of findings and Cheshire smiles

I've often been told I'm a study of contradictions. I wouldn't know just how true that might be as the discussions -- so I've been told -- usually takes place outside of my hearing. To give the gossipy folks their due, I would say they are correct but one must excuse me for being uncharacteristically close-mouthed on the exact veracity of their suppositions. After all, it wouldn't do to tip my hand ... I might be misanthropic, but definitely far from being moronic.

I would like to say that yes, I walk around with an exposed nerve. I'm emotionally trigger-happy. I would be one of those that believe the first burst of emotion -- that first reaction -- is always the truest, as it is the most pure. Others would gainsay that you need time to make a proper decision. I usually rebutt that time blurs the true intent. After all, if you already know what you want and/or need ... what else is there to think?

However, when it comes to matters close to the heart --yes, I can hear some poeple snickering there! -- I've always been cautious. I wouldn't lie by saying I've never felt the intense burst of lust or developed unhealty fixations or (gads!) even hormone-driven infatuation ... yet I'm never quite foolish enough to believe them as otherwise. It was with great delight -- and I admit with a healthy dose of chagrin on my part -- that I suddenly realize I've found someone ... and I never quite expected it!

I've been more or less oblivious that there have been times I'm too ensconced in my own head that I don't pay much attention to the people around me. Perhaps that would be the primary reason I'm perceived as aloof, snobbish or cold -- my vitriolic tongue-lashings notwithstanding. La, gushing is not something I'm prone to and I still find myself being a veritable Chesire cat at times. I admit that loopy smiles and I do not usually go hand-in-hand.

I wouldn't presume to know where this will lead, but I'm willing to find out. And the one who made me smile again seems willing to accompany me. Perhaps the journey alone is worth it.