Friday, July 29, 2011

Of songs and such

I found that after the heartbreak that my mood vacillates between almost-suicidal depression and almost-homicidal irritable. I wished Society wouldn’t frown too much should I decide to knife someone I the face but alas, the masses still subscribe to a certain standard that my sometimes-anarchist loved to buck against.

Then again, Society perhaps would feel rather strongly towards my obsessive attempts at reclaiming what was lost.

It should be noted that I display disturbingly polarized behaviours it becomes taxing at times to find a middle ground.

However much I’d like to wallow in misery, what’s done is done and there is no turning back. I may perhaps look fondly on the past but I won’t stare. Or at least, look too long. I entertained nostalgia once 10 years ago and it almost landed me a basket case …

So, in moving forward I did an inventory of the stages I went through: Denial. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Bitterness. Apathetic numbness. Despair. Apathetic numbness. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Rage. Bitterness. Rage. Clarity. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Acceptance.

I supposed my state of mind could be divined by some of the songs I listened to in my playlist below: 
(in no particular order)

Remember November – Juliana Hatfield
These Arms of Mine – Otis Redding
1000 Oceans – Tori Amos
Over and Uder – Egypt Central
Call Me When You’re Sober – Evanescence
You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette
Not As We – Alanis Morissette
Foolish Games – Jewel
Try – Asher Book
Out Here on My Own – Naturi Naughton
Still Reminds Me – Anggun
Limp – Fiona Apple
Just Lust – Juliana Hatfield
Fuck and Run – Liz Phair
Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects
Move Along – The All-American Rejects
A Few Words Too Many – Billie Myers
Army of Me – Bjork
Fighter – Christina Aguilera
Linger – The Cranberries
Get Over me – Marion Raven
Heads Will Roll – Marion Raven
Unforgivable Sinner – Lene Marlin
You Will Cry No More – Lene Marlin
Who Let In the Rain – Cyndi Lauper
You Could Have – Lene Marlin
Scar – Missy Higgins
Fast As You Can – Fiona Apple
Stalker – Turin Breaks
Overrated – Siobhan Donaghy
Overpower Thee – Melissa Auf der Maur
Divided – Tara MacLean
Better That We Break – Maroon 5
Going Under – Evanescence
I Want Out – Helloween
How Do I? – Lee Ryan
Here With Me – Dido
Hunter- Dido
Not Ready to Make Nice – Dixie Chicks
Lost Without You – Dream Theater
Here We Are – Lene Marlin
Table for One – Liz Phair
Where I Stood – Missy Higgins
Wedding Dress – Matt Nathanson
Why Do You Love Me? – Garbage
Farewell Party – Juliet Orange
My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne
10 000 Promises – Backstreet Boys
Don’t Say You Love Me – The Corrs
Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
Taffy – Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
Your House – Alanis Morissette
You Won’t See Me Cry – Wilson Phillips
In My Veins – Andrew Belle
No More I Love Yous – Annie Lennox
Big Mistake – Natalie Imbruglia
This Mess We’re In – PJ Harvey
Now I’m Gone – Juliana Hatfield


Thursday, July 21, 2011

"Untitled"

You may be the Storm, but I am Winter
I will bury your rage with snow and entomb you in ice
                   You are just one pattern of a fickle weather
while I am an entire season--
                   an unchangable, implacable and unending part of Nature.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Of righteous cleanliness and such

La, such a hullabaloo surrounds the Bersih 2.0 rally that This Author decides to bestir his normally-indifferent self towards the nearest news updates to brush up on current local hot-button topics.

It does make one forget one’s own troubles after all … Should This Author’s understanding is somewhat awry, one begs you gentle readers to allow those fanciful inanities and remember that This Author is hardly a political pundit. Tolerance, is after all one of the foundations for harmony, yes?

Now, where were we? Ah, here we go…

Bersih 2.0’s mission is for a clean, free and fair electoral system, with the aim to effectively monitor both sides of the political divide. At its inception a little over three years ago, it was comprised by civil society organisations and political parties with the objective of campaigning for said mission.

This Author applauds noble intentions such as these, should the outcome is favourable and beneficial to all parties concerned. And frankly, to someone as indifferent as This Author, it is immaterial. Or at least, the relevance is somewhat elusive.

Before This Author continues, the following are just his humble opinions, which stemmed from his observations, conversations, experiences and some quick reading—which may or may not be right. This Author is not infallible, after all. Findings from those aforementioned exercises was to This Authors vexation—his, and [presumptuously perhaps] on others’ behalf.

What resulted from a supposedly peaceful rally was a climate of anxiety throughout for non-participants living in the city or its immediate environs. Bersih 2.0 are all about exercising their rights in holding their rally, among which the following three have been bandied about:
1. The right to free speech and expression
2. The right to peaceful assembly
3. The right to freedom of association

We could see the results of having exercised those rights, sadly.


The right to free speech and expression
Blogs, social networking and media sites, news feeds and more are inundated with constant updates where everyone—both local and foreign—is weighing in on the rally from rants, taunts, Wall scribbles, it goes on and on and on … ad infinitum.

This Author heartily holds to the statement that anyone and everyone may opine or have their say but not to the point of denigrating each other. Agreeing to disagree or at the very least, respecting each others’ rights in voicing their own opinions is the very cornerstone of a civilized Society.

This Author should note that the one-and-half-hour spent trawling the Net for Bersih-related items he was tickled and impressed by some of the wittily incisive remarks made regarding the rally—both for and against, mind. As for the trolls inhabiting cyberspace, This Author will just say they warrant no comments.

Sadly, This Author should also add that the Election Commission (SPR) should have a more coherent and knowledgeable response to allegations made against them. Right now, the lay populace is intransigent, ambivalent, or indifferent about the state of things.  The media also should display responsibility in presenting things in a non-partisan manner as well. Stop with the platitudes and ask the hard questions. That is one of the reasons for their being, isn’t it?

With sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose what should be done if one side demands the right of free speech, have at them. The other should spend less time demonizing what gives them purpose and work at collecting easily-verified public data or materials to present their case and demand the same from the naysayers. After all, talk is cheap. It seems right now it’s a case of he said/she said, so to speak.


The right to peaceful assembly

Authorities are arbitrarily conducting arrests on suspected participants with no definite proof or verification, therefore deep-sixing the entire purpose of a peaceful rally. The world—and people—being what it is, this fed a vicious three-way cycle where participants/non-participants/authorities are all victims of their own and others’ abuse.

It also goes without saying that firing tear gas into a hospital whilst chasing down the participants is hardly a move to endear the authorities to the masses. What were you thinking?!? That was directed to both participants and authorities, by the way.

Honest, hardworking employees are afraid to venture out for work due to fear of being mistaken for “dissidents.”

Roads were closed and major public transports were affected—depriving the populace of a chance to actually go out and enjoy their weekend after slogging thru a 5-day week at work. And of course, affecting those who are also working on weekends.

Shops and businesses were closed, depriving consumers of services previously availed to them and business their custom. This brings along the next two items:
1. There are those that may retort, “no shops, people don’t spend; therefore they save money, it’s good for economy.” Just because no money goes out, doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing. This Author is no economist, but from what one understands the basis of economics is one of supply and demand. With no supply for goods or services provided, demands will burgeon and seek alternatives—should they be lucky to obtain one. Otherwise, the cycle will just stagnate.
2. With no shops or businesses open—or those who were unfortunate enough to have employees missing out on work due to fear, productivity had to have experienced a decline, This Author expects.

For a movement that started out with noble intentions, Bersih 2.0 inadvertently became that which they implicitly wanted to avoid, a tyrant—both in its modern and classical meaning of the word.


The right to freedom of association
This Author expected DiGi employees braved their Saturday working days not without some trepidation. 
Interesting. This Author is entertaining a more cynical thought, The right to freedom from association. But one digress. 

Personally, yellow has never looked good on This Author’s dark olive skin. And thank the stars for that! 

Those who were quite vocal about this particular right would state that Bersih 2.0 has a right to be associated with anyone, regardless of political bent.

Now, it was also documented that Bersih 2.0 had issued invitations to all political parties to join them in their walk for democracy but stated that while BN component parties have rejected the invitation however, members of the opposition have decided to join in the walk. This Author is perplexed. If one’s mission is to effectively monitor both sides of the political fence, why include one but not the other? If one is to play Big Brother of sorts, then shouldn’t the presence of both is of equal importance? One shouldn’t preclude the other, after all.

This Author feels that if the mission is to promote reforms to result in clean, free and fair electoral system then associating with only the one party more or less rendered the no-partisan angle null and void.

Sometimes, appearances are of just as equal  importance.


After the spring-cleaning
From what This Author has observed, Bersih 2.0 started out with what appears a noble and workable—and even actionable—agenda.

However, This Author is of the opinion that the impetus of the agenda is somewhat specious and curiously happenstance: alleged vote-rigging and electoral abuse in light of the coming elections in 2013.

This Author suggests instead the following:
For the Government
Invest in good public relations—one that is both knowledgeable and visible.
Develop or employ a model for compliance to be used.
Have a third party observer gauge the effectiveness and share recommendations on improvements—we did utilise the aid of several Englishmen known collectively as Suruhanjaya Cobbold, did we not?
Perform stringent audits or compliance checks on everyone involved with the Electoral Commission.
Present the results publicly.

For the Opposition
Instead of spending time on alleged tampering, compare the definable processes and investigate the following items:
What did they/we do right? Where did they/we fall short?
What have they/we achieved?
What are our/their strengths, weaknesses and opportunities?
How to build on strengths, develop opportunities, and improve weaknesses?

Regardless, these are just opinions and suggestions. From someone who can be called as indifferent to politics, that would certainly be items of interests or buy-ins for This Author.

It certainly bears some ponderings, yes?

* * * * *

Some nuggets and memorable quotes that would do us well to remember:
“Beneath this YELLOW there is an idea, Mr Najib, and ideas are bulletproof,”
– Thomas Chai, tweeting to the PM.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean stepping on other people’s toes – Enid Blyton, Last Term at Malory Towers

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." – Evelyn Beatrice Hall

"Passing the Same Signs"

The quarrel that we had
why did it seem so familiar?
The lines sounded as I remember it
so what is the matter?
I believe we've been here before
but cannot place my finger when
Deja-vu a disease or are echoes
a regular part of our conversation?
I should have heeded myself
to stay away from you
You accusing me belittling you--
what is this? this deja-vu
Why must we always fight?
Why should you be right?
(when you're not)
I guess I'm just not good at this
at choosing my fights
And so I keep passing the same signs
over and over again.



Sunday, July 3, 2011

Of undefineable dissolution

“If you think I’m going to discuss the dissolution of our marriage at a place where the toilets are labelled Dudes and Chicks, you’re out of your mind!” – Bree van der Kamp

* * * * *

I’ve always admired the fictional Mrs van der Kamp for those little gems.

If only that particular statement wasn’t so apropos.

We were having an extremely late dinner at one of these holes-in-the-wall places at the heart of the city. We talked about things that have happened to our friends. We talked about things that we did. We talked about work. His. Mine.

We’ve had this little row a month or so back where little nitpickings, petty jealousies and cutting, hurtful words were thrown around like hand-grenades. It even got a little physical—no, not like that! We settled it by each apologising—him for his jealous outburst and me for hammering in on his insecurities. For some reason, I have this disturbing gift of finding someone’s weak points and exploiting them in a fight—so in case it gets into a tussle, I know to aim a kick at his left knee… but I digress. We agreed to table the conversation to a more opportune timing.

Those who’ve known me enough knew by now that good timing and I were never easy acquaintances. The love of my life died on Valentine’s Day, and I got dumped on my birthday for crying out loud!

Well, the talk started out guardedly with each of us doing this bizarre waltz around verbal eggshells. So, me being me just bluntly asked him what is his problem? I could almost swear that you could knock me down with a feather when he started out listing the reasons. For reasons I'm unable to fathom the qualities he found as my strengths and main attractions now became glaring points of contention:
1. My tenacity is now pig-headed stubbornness
2. A snappy, subversive humour is now an unruly tongue
3. My compartmentalizing my own emotions now makes me a heartless sociopath

And it goes on and on and on. I admit I was’t exactly defusing the tableau by winding him up to see just how far he could go with it. Apparently our Mr Kwan has accumulated quite an impressive frequent-flyer mile since he went there, built a house and started knitting—metaphorically speaking, that is—and it devolved into youdon’tthinkI’mgoodenoughbecauseyouhavethehotsforsomeoneelse and you’reimmatureandactlikeacompletetool and its several variations.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I left and let him stew in his own juice.

Yes, I know it sounds wrong …

The upshot is now we’re on a time-out. I could never understand that particular concept when it comes to relationships; what does that mean? What does it entail? Are you back to single-but-dating status?

With things the way they are now, I’m hard-pressed to say I’m optimistic of the outcome. We’re two independent people who are both stubborn and not exactly gracious about admitting our mistakes. It’s like the Titanic meets iceberg. Only time will tell who sinks—and pulls everyone down with him.

Followers