Of Bankable madness

It was interesting to see that Tyra Banks has finally clued in on what she should be doing on ANTM. Of course, she just had to do it after several promising girls had to be put through some of the most bizarre photoshoots ever conceived. Yes, Tyra—and to an extent ANTM—can be accused of trying too hard to be edgy that they sometimes cross over into parody. Anyone remember the meat-on-models photoshoot? No? Here it is, in case you (blissfully) forgot.

Pebbles would like her club back ...

After 14 seasons, countless makeover meltdowns and boy-deprivation-induced catfights by way of hormonal imbalances, she finally decided on going high fashion. What beggars the question is why now? Is she tired of being a joke—however unintentionally at times as it may be? Or could it be something to do with the cancellation of her talk show? After all, the self-proclaimed Supermodel-turned-businesswoman-with-a-big-forehead has to have something to do with her newly-found spare time. So what better way than to make sure her other cash cow  project has the bona fides to stand on its own and be another major contributor to pop-culture? Spinal Tap, your days are numbered!

Tyra Banks being Tyra Banks, she plumped the prizes to further entice the fashion pundits and lay viewers by glitzing each episode with industry bigwigs—first episode and she’s already whipping out Diane von Furstenberg. Diane von Furstenberg.

She’s playing for keeps, I tell you.

Aiming high does our Ms Banks, and while some of the concepts—if any!—of the photo assignments eludes me somewhat, I’ll grant her the benefit of the doubt. With her brand of crazy I don’t expect her to hit the mark. I expect it to be entertaining, but whether or not this crop of girls she churns out will command the undivided attention on the fashion by and large still remains to be seen.

Of course, when Ms Banks starts waving around her crazy stick—and the pantsuits! Seriously?—we get to see the meltdowns and crash cases that has kept us thus far entertained and glued to the tube. 

ANTM Cycle 15 has some memorable contestants, among which are:

1. Jane Randall: Princeton-educated, Christie Brinkley-clone

Jane - post-makeover

Ann - Mermaid photoshoot with jewellery by Matthew Rolston

2. Ann Ward: this Cycle’s Nicole Fox/Heather Kuzmich 

Chelsey's pseudo-CoverGirl print

3. Chelsey Hersley: freckled love-child of CariDee English & Melrose Bickerstaff, minus the crazy

Kayla - formerly blonde redhead

4. Kayla Ferell: this Cycle’s chameleon talent (Kahlen, anyone?)

5. Liz Williams: this Cycle’s girl-to-hate (there is always that one girl, isn't there?)

Liz - Rodeo Drive shoot by Patrick Demarchelier

Chris - Rodeo Drive shoot with Patrick Demarchelier

6. Chris White: Comedy Queen. Talking about some random male she saw, "Mama wouldn't mind me bringing HIM home, honey."

Of course, in the case of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, it wasn’t all a total loss. One thing, some of the shenanigans kept me in stitches:

1. Ann’s dream guy: a warlock, shoots fireballs, and she’s ok with him being older—like >40s. One word: creepy.

2. Jane: (from Meghan Carlson, Senior Writer, BuddyTV) “I had to include this photo (see below) because it shows, word for word, where Jane's head is at during their gondola tour of Venice: Absorbing more KNOWLEDGE! She's a history major at Princeton, so you can't blame her, and the nerdiness is quite endearing. I can't blame anybody in the world for actually seeking out "lots of pamphlets." If only we were all so focused on learning. She's quiet and seems sort of awkward, but also ridiculously beautiful and graceful. Jane is basically every nerdy girl from a romantic comedy post-makeover, except she just never went through the initial ugly duckling phase. Damn her.”

Jane = lovable nerd

3. Liz: Hearing Milan as one of the international destinations, she thinks Mulan, "so of course I'm thinking Japan and dragons". That’s Chinese, you ignoramus! She then realized after watching another girl’s reaction (Chelsey) that it's actually MILAN, as in Italian Vogue. As in what this competition is all about. Mulan. Friggin’ Mulan. Dumb brunette 1, Active listening 0.

Liz: "Another fiver and you get to see the cooch, boys." Classy.

And Tyra Banks being who (or what) she is, took this cycle to debut her directorial skills on a "motion editorial"—whatever the Hell that is—where she free-laboured the remaining contestants into an intense, disturbing and ultimately freakish short—we’re talking about The Ring here!—that makes you wonder, “If Tyra has a therapist, does the therapist quake in fear whenever it’s time for Tyra’s appointment?”

I won’t waste words, but I’ll just post it here and let you judge for yourself.

*Photos owned by CW and respective photographers