Don't you just love technology? The way it makes everything easier from keeping in touch to losing weight, all you have to do is invest a few dollars (or more!) and voila! If we were to chart human activities, nothing should surprise us at how simple it is to amuse ourselves ... Look at me for goodness sakes. I spend my free time talking about myself! It is only my fervent hope hope that readers may gain some beneficial instruction from my endless ramblings that kept me going.
And again, I have to thank technology for this outlet. Purging ourselves of our inner demons used to involve a priest, gallons of holy water and a tub of vomit. Not anymore. Hook yourself up to the Net, become an online Sybil and feel free to pretend that your overweight, stubby-no-neck body is actually housing a hoochie mama in black leather. Or the second coming of Brad Pitt. Take your pick, or substitute as desired.
I was left to my own devices today and developed a startling fixation on sex. I was reading a blog about how Kate Winslet was forever doing nudies and love scenes. Not that I'm complaining, of course. If a beautiful woman wishes us viewers to have an edifying look at what Mama gave her, then the only thing I can say is "Callo, Callay, Yahhooo, Hoorayyy!" Then my thread of thought picked up on Hugh Dancy's turn as a bisexual gigolo in a bizarre menage a trois with Eddie Redmayne and Julianne Moore. Oh the redheads galore!
Hmmm ... talk about them burning bush ...
Hell, to take this fixation and run it to death I, at the urging -- make that violent urging -- of a friend decided to defile my already reprobate eyes and irredemably filthy mind by searching out the many amateur porn sites that litter the cyberspace we sometimes traipse around.
Oh Good Lord! Some things should not be seen by those with hyper-active imaginations. As I was viewing the many trials and free tours accorded by these sites I was gobsmacked and left wondering: People get paid for this! And others pay to see this!
I am quite thankful that I am quite worldly, therefore seeing a bisexual tag-team isn't a gnarly an experience as it would've been for some. My complaint about the ones is see at one of the sites -- one Corbin Fisher -- is that the women featured are butt-awful-ugly!
One looks like tranny on crack. No joke, I'm telling you. Everytime she got flipped over I see her flapjack breast flop-fluppa-flopping around like raw flapjack pancakes. From what I saw I think the two guys tag-teaming her were enjoying each other more than her ... She might as well whip out the pink-Bedazzled dildo and whack them over the head to get their attention.
The pink dildo bit was just me, by the way ....
The skanky smutty artist in me was enjoying the sight of all these bee-YOO-hooo!-tiful people rutting around like lemmings before the grand plunge until it finally hit me just how artificial some of these sites are ... we have a gay-for-pay stud doing his first one-on-one with another guy ... and suddenly he's swallowing sword?!?! How do the viewers ascertain he's gay-for-pay? with a cert that proves he's limp till clams twitter-twatter at his face?
I think I just swallowed my own 10-litre bile ...
However, lest I projectile-vomit onto my laptop I deem it unnecessary that readers have to be subjected to the same pain I endured (ain't that nice of me?). Therefore I hope you enjoy the more desirable of photos culled from the hidden (ass)cracks of cyberspace.
*photo credits to whomever took them! :-P
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