"Running Horse"

He runs
swift like wind
sheds worries and cares
like some dead, sickly skin
He tries to be one
with the elements
They reject him
fearing his independence
His spirit touches the sky
celestial light bathes him
They smile now but mourn
the day his essence dims
O running wind 
douse not this flame
Oh my fragile champion
I wish I could stay the same
He runs now
in spirit if not body
Remembering things lost
back when he was free

"Too Much Said"

I hold you blameless
That is the only way
Placed on a pedestal
That is the only way

I hold myself silent

That is the only way
I hold myself still
That is the only way

I hold you blameless
innocent from my thoughts
I hold you high up
so you remain distant

I hold myself silent
so it remains secret
I hold myself still
to keep you safe

Alas, it’s too late
For these lips have spoken
Too much been said

So let it be

You shall remain blameless

remain untouched by me
Up on your safe perch
deaf to my plea

Your company my balm
Your cause my sword
to guard you from harm
Your plinth my place of worship
your silence my consent
My silence is freely given
for these things unsaid, unsent

Of wantings

It’s a weird feeling being ignored.

I suppose one could pout one’s lips and shrug it off like water of a duck’s back. But no, that’ll be too easy for me.

The path of most resistance has always held a morbid fascination for me and I, like the proverbial buzzard will pick it to the bone and still remain dissatisfied by my findings. I would like to say that I don’t make a habit of living in my head, but sometimes … when it’s that cold dead sensation of knowing that people just don’t get what you’re about – when you feel even more of an oddity than you realized – the only safe place to be with is by yourself.

I chide myself sometimes for being too self-aware. And at times I remain oblivious to my surroundings when I’m picking at emotional scabs. Perhaps my own pain screams too loudly for me to listen anyone else’s – or I’m just selfish that way.

Death.

Abandonment.

Loss.

Heartache.

Heartbreak.

Depression.

Mania.

Emptiness.

They are no strangers to me. Perhaps coming from such a background as mine, it is to be expected. It should be added as well that I perpetuated and exacerbated events that led to such conclusions. For all my efforts, I found myself – allowed myself, even – thwarted. At times, after looking over at how it all went south I was perplexed that it was through my own doing.

No, I must say that I’m not blameless at all. I want many things. Most of them immaterial – that only I can work for if only I can bestir myself in that direction. I would like to be able to laugh. Really, truly laugh with joy. To be happy.

Is it so bad to want things?