We’ve had encounters where we had to sit through another’s display of idiocy. At times, we’re guilty of the same pratfalls. But of course, since I’m on my soapbox I’m not going to talk about myself. I believe others could relieve me that particular chore.
Below is an example of choice statements that make me wonder at the speakers’ state of mind – and if English is in fact, their first language!
1. “I can never be unfaithful to my mistress.” Maybe his mistress’ name is Diane de Poitiers.
2. “I’m half in love with you.” That makes as much sense as saying "I'm somewhat dead" or "I'm kinda pregnant!"
3. “It’s not cheating on my girlfriend.” Pause. “I just let a guy give me a blowjob.” His friends should get him a dictionary for his next birthday.
4. “I’d never kiss a girl who smokes.” Speaker is someone who is very into rimming. That certainly puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?
5. “People can’t tell I’m gay.” Speaker is wearing a (too) tight T-shirt, rainbow stickers on his car, and the ‘tell-all’ earring. Geez, deluded much?
6. “He gave my syphilis!” Speaker is in a loving relationship with a swinger couple. Like, d’uh!
7. “She was asking for it!” Speaker was referring to a rape victim – who has a penchant for short skirts. If she’s in a bikini, she’d be the Whore of Babylon, I suppose.
8. “If you can’t escape it, just sit back and enjoy it.” Speaker was referring to rape victims. I just can’t muster enough snark for this one.
And no, I assure you these are not figments of my (often hyper-active) imagination. Nor are they translations from my native Malay. These are statements I’m quoting directly from people – and in context! People I’ve had the fortune to encounter. And yes, I meant fortune ironically.
Of course, two of my favourites are numbers 2 and 3. I’m sure depending on the reader – or listener, as the case could be! – others might be their choice for contributions to the Darwin Awards.
As mentioned, the statement "I'm half in love with you" makes as much sense as saying "I'm somewhat dead" or "I'm kinda pregnant" and just as idiotic. And whilst we're on the subject of idiocy -- a bigger idiot (that would make him/her a moron, wouldn’t it?) would be the person who falls for that kind of drivel. Talk about clutching at straws!
After numerous times experiencing these particular displays in stupidity, whenever such statements present themselves I usually just pursed my lips, elicit a “Hmmm, interesting” reply and promptly removed myself. Although it has yet to be proven scientifically, stupidity might be catching.
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