Of songs and such

I found that after the heartbreak that my mood vacillates between almost-suicidal depression and almost-homicidal irritable. I wished Society wouldn’t frown too much should I decide to knife someone I the face but alas, the masses still subscribe to a certain standard that my sometimes-anarchist loved to buck against.

Then again, Society perhaps would feel rather strongly towards my obsessive attempts at reclaiming what was lost.

It should be noted that I display disturbingly polarized behaviours it becomes taxing at times to find a middle ground.

However much I’d like to wallow in misery, what’s done is done and there is no turning back. I may perhaps look fondly on the past but I won’t stare. Or at least, look too long. I entertained nostalgia once 10 years ago and it almost landed me a basket case …

So, in moving forward I did an inventory of the stages I went through: Denial. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Bitterness. Apathetic numbness. Despair. Apathetic numbness. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Rage. Bitterness. Rage. Clarity. Rage. Apathetic numbness. Acceptance.

I supposed my state of mind could be divined by some of the songs I listened to in my playlist below: 
(in no particular order)

Remember November – Juliana Hatfield

These Arms of Mine – Otis Redding

1000 Oceans – Tori Amos
Over and Uder – Egypt Central

Call Me When You’re Sober – Evanescence

You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

Not As We – Alanis Morissette

Foolish Games – Jewel

Try – Asher Book
Out Here on My Own – Naturi Naughton
Still Reminds Me – Anggun

Limp – Fiona Apple

Just Lust – Juliana Hatfield

Fuck and Run – Liz Phair

Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects

Move Along – The All-American Rejects

A Few Words Too Many – Billie Myers

Army of Me – Bjork

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

Linger – The Cranberries

Get Over me – Marion Raven

Heads Will Roll – Marion Raven

Unforgivable Sinner – Lene Marlin

You Will Cry No More – Lene Marlin

Who Let In the Rain – Cyndi Lauper

You Could Have – Lene Marlin

Scar – Missy Higgins

Fast As You Can – Fiona Apple

Stalker – Turin Breaks

Overrated – Siobhan Donaghy

Overpower Thee – Melissa Auf der Maur

Divided – Tara MacLean

Better That We Break – Maroon 5

Going Under – Evanescence

I Want Out – Helloween

How Do I? – Lee Ryan

Here With Me – Dido

Hunter- Dido

Not Ready to Make Nice – Dixie Chicks

Lost Without You – Dream Theater

Here We Are – Lene Marlin

Table for One – Liz Phair

Where I Stood – Missy Higgins

Wedding Dress – Matt Nathanson

Why Do You Love Me? – Garbage

Farewell Party – Juliet Orange

My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne

10 000 Promises – Backstreet Boys

Don’t Say You Love Me – The Corrs

Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

Taffy – Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories

Your House – Alanis Morissette

You Won’t See Me Cry – Wilson Phillips

In My Veins – Andrew Belle

No More I Love Yous – Annie Lennox

Big Mistake – Natalie Imbruglia

This Mess We’re In – PJ Harvey

Now I’m Gone – Juliana Hatfield