Of vexing timings

Time.

A way to measure the passage of moments as we go throughout our life and trials. There are times when we take its passing for granted, always expecting that we have more to spare.

Alas, as my 30th birthday approaches I find myself discombobulated. No, it wasn't the regret for lost opportunities for I've always one who is never given to ponder on loss and missing chances. It was more of the time it takes to be patient. While I am quite adept at playing a waiting game much like a hunter stalking his prey, I am never known for my patience. It is a paradox--a rather telling one I admit, of deeper meanings churning in my mind.

Imagine my disgust at being told to wait for a simple outing because a person needs time to focus on finding himself/herself. What was that supposed to mean? Does one need a body atlas and a refresher course in Anatomy 101? I said to myself that it is just fine; if one wants to play an emotional Peter Pan with one's little green flying suit not far for flights of fancy to the nearest club--who am I to deny that one singular pleasure? After all, I've experienced the nightlife and while it was an enjoyable diversion, such fancies are not for me. Not with my dislike for alien crowds and shallow conversations. One shouldn't look for depths of character in a place where the bathroom walls are as translucent as a Japanese paper-house!

No one would know the harsh sting of grief and loss better than I. I would not presume to lay claim to have writ a book on monopolizing such issues but I am quite familiar with the depressive malaise that follows such cruelties Life inevatably inflicts. La, a lover leaves you for someone else. Death claimed a loved one. Friends turned into rivals, and siblings into saboteurs. Betrayal, disappointments, failures and hatred are the consequences of our own discrepancies.

Perhaps I'm too harsh for those not made as I. Perhaps I'm too much of an idealist in a place where a person's word is worth nothing--just air particles vibrated to produce platitudes that never amounted to much.

Perhaps if I'm not such a besotted fool it would've been translated differently.