Of Bankable madness

It was interesting to see that Tyra Banks has finally clued in on what she should be doing on ANTM. Of course, she just had to do it after several promising girls had to be put through some of the most bizarre photoshoots ever conceived. Yes, Tyra—and to an extent ANTM—can be accused of trying too hard to be edgy that they sometimes cross over into parody. Anyone remember the meat-on-models photoshoot? No? Here it is, in case you (blissfully) forgot.

Pebbles would like her club back ...

After 14 seasons, countless makeover meltdowns and boy-deprivation-induced catfights by way of hormonal imbalances, she finally decided on going high fashion. What beggars the question is why now? Is she tired of being a joke—however unintentionally at times as it may be? Or could it be something to do with the cancellation of her talk show? After all, the self-proclaimed Supermodel-turned-businesswoman-with-a-big-forehead has to have something to do with her newly-found spare time. So what better way than to make sure her other cash cow  project has the bona fides to stand on its own and be another major contributor to pop-culture? Spinal Tap, your days are numbered!

Tyra Banks being Tyra Banks, she plumped the prizes to further entice the fashion pundits and lay viewers by glitzing each episode with industry bigwigs—first episode and she’s already whipping out Diane von Furstenberg. Diane von Furstenberg.

She’s playing for keeps, I tell you.

Aiming high does our Ms Banks, and while some of the concepts—if any!—of the photo assignments eludes me somewhat, I’ll grant her the benefit of the doubt. With her brand of crazy I don’t expect her to hit the mark. I expect it to be entertaining, but whether or not this crop of girls she churns out will command the undivided attention on the fashion by and large still remains to be seen.

Of course, when Ms Banks starts waving around her crazy stick—and the pantsuits! Seriously?—we get to see the meltdowns and crash cases that has kept us thus far entertained and glued to the tube. 

ANTM Cycle 15 has some memorable contestants, among which are:

1. Jane Randall: Princeton-educated, Christie Brinkley-clone

Jane - post-makeover

Ann - Mermaid photoshoot with jewellery by Matthew Rolston

2. Ann Ward: this Cycle’s Nicole Fox/Heather Kuzmich 

Chelsey's pseudo-CoverGirl print

3. Chelsey Hersley: freckled love-child of CariDee English & Melrose Bickerstaff, minus the crazy

Kayla - formerly blonde redhead

4. Kayla Ferell: this Cycle’s chameleon talent (Kahlen, anyone?)

5. Liz Williams: this Cycle’s girl-to-hate (there is always that one girl, isn't there?)

Liz - Rodeo Drive shoot by Patrick Demarchelier

Chris - Rodeo Drive shoot with Patrick Demarchelier

6. Chris White: Comedy Queen. Talking about some random male she saw, "Mama wouldn't mind me bringing HIM home, honey."

Of course, in the case of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, it wasn’t all a total loss. One thing, some of the shenanigans kept me in stitches:

1. Ann’s dream guy: a warlock, shoots fireballs, and she’s ok with him being older—like >40s. One word: creepy.

2. Jane: (from Meghan Carlson, Senior Writer, BuddyTV) “I had to include this photo (see below) because it shows, word for word, where Jane's head is at during their gondola tour of Venice: Absorbing more KNOWLEDGE! She's a history major at Princeton, so you can't blame her, and the nerdiness is quite endearing. I can't blame anybody in the world for actually seeking out "lots of pamphlets." If only we were all so focused on learning. She's quiet and seems sort of awkward, but also ridiculously beautiful and graceful. Jane is basically every nerdy girl from a romantic comedy post-makeover, except she just never went through the initial ugly duckling phase. Damn her.”

Jane = lovable nerd

3. Liz: Hearing Milan as one of the international destinations, she thinks Mulan, "so of course I'm thinking Japan and dragons". That’s Chinese, you ignoramus! She then realized after watching another girl’s reaction (Chelsey) that it's actually MILAN, as in Italian Vogue. As in what this competition is all about. Mulan. Friggin’ Mulan. Dumb brunette 1, Active listening 0.

Liz: "Another fiver and you get to see the cooch, boys." Classy.

And Tyra Banks being who (or what) she is, took this cycle to debut her directorial skills on a "motion editorial"—whatever the Hell that is—where she free-laboured the remaining contestants into an intense, disturbing and ultimately freakish short—we’re talking about The Ring here!—that makes you wonder, “If Tyra has a therapist, does the therapist quake in fear whenever it’s time for Tyra’s appointment?”

I won’t waste words, but I’ll just post it here and let you judge for yourself.

*Photos owned by CW and respective photographers

Of sorcery and beauty

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’m quite the avid reader. One of my favourite genres is fantasy, which started when my mother got me The Wishsong of Shannara by Terry Brooks for my 13^th birthday.

Of course, the rest is history.

One of favourite books from that particular genre is Polgara the Sorceress by David & Leigh Eddings. This, of course, was written waaaay before he degenerated into slothful works like The Dreamers.

It was a beautiful story. On one level, it was a good start for beginners of the genre; simple prose, good dialogue (which happens to be the Eddingses’ forte), and enough magic to assuage one’s hunger for the incredible. To a seasoned fantasist; it has drama, adventure, and magic aplenty. For longtime followers of The Belgariad and The Malloreon series, it serves as a bookend and prologue of sorts to the preceding stories. It delves into the history of the titular character and gets into who and what she is—her motivations and her and dedication to her charges. And for the sentimentalists, there is enough romance to fill-up your Mills & Boon’s fetish.

I’m not going to spoil it for you, but I recommend you to get a copy—buy, steal, rent, whatever. Just make sure you read it.

Polgara the Sorceress by David & Leigh Eddings

*************

The Twilight craze is insane. Yes, I know it is a tautology, but it is what it is. I’ll admit I have all four books—Breaking Dawn hardcover!—but I’ve only read them once. I’m not saying Stephenie Meyer is a horrible writer. She’s good at manipulating the language. The key word here being manipulating. Just as how she belabours the obvious beauty of the vampires, she seems particularly vague when it came to Bella. Yes, I know she’s dark-haired and pale-skinned. So does almost every Goth/emo girl out there. What’s the exact hair colour? Chestnut, dark brown, highlights? Almost any girl can project what she is onto the character and experience forbidden love vicariously through the book.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret purchasing those four books. Nor am I discounting rereading them. I even have favourite parts in the book that I paused and reread several times—the birth scene is my ultimate favourite. It’s like Aliens meet Sweet Valley High, by way of Anne Rice. However, unlike Rice’s vampires who could be very sexual, sensual and decadent Meyer’s came across as repressed and awfully ethical. Then again, Meyer is a Mormon so perhaps we should’ve expected that.

Except Edward, of course. The whole stalking, passive-aggressive, controlling, I-know-better-than-you-fragile-human shtick is just wrong. I’m expected to accept that this is what most pubescent girls go ga-ga over?

I don’t think so! Then again, we have to account for Justin Bieber’s fame so what the Hell do I know, eh?

So, it is with great trepidation that I picked up Beautiful Creatures. After having Jacob from Twilight go all WASP-y and whiney on me as he watched Bella vacillate between werewolf-human or vampire-human pairings I have some reservations about female writers writing from a male protagonist’s point of view.

I was humbled to say that my misgivings were unfounded. Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl have managed to write something fresh, yet familiar. The hero Ethan Waite tends to overanalyze but with the advent of the “sensitive new age guy” or SNAG, I can deal with that. And before you throw up your hands in disgust and say, “Oh wonderful! Just what we need, another fragile hero!” allow me to set a few points across:

1. Ethan is a rough-and-tumble kind of guy.

2. Ethan is understanding, yet pushy (like every young man he spouts understanding and yet gets demanding—without making any bones or excuses for it. Suck it, Edward!)

3. Ethan has issues—real ones (unlike Bella’s “I’m the new girl but so darn superior ‘cos I’ve done your lab work at my previous school!”) which ran the gamut from heavy stuff (distant and emotionally disturbed father), to small potatoes (flaky/spacy best friend), to having his life unravel by lies and falsehoods (nope, that would be spoiling it).

I know, itemizing the above makes one wonder how is a high-school senior supposed to get through this without reserving a spot at the Betty Ford Centre? Yet, for all that never once did the writing devolve into melodrama. Stohl and Garcia kept it paced just nice. Slow enough for you to digest the angst and speedy enough you want to see a good ass-kicking done.

Beautiful Creatures and its sequel Beautiful Darkness is out now. So grab a copy and enjoy!  

"Walls"

These walls are closing in

and I cannot breathe

These walls are toppling in

and I cannot run

But wherefore should I run

Where shall I hide

How far could I go?

What is it I must do?

These walls that I built

The edge spiked and perilous

I cut myself open

and hang unbidden

And wherefore should I cry

Where is my solace

How far could I go?

What is it I must do?

These walls I'm tearing down

this cheap tinsel crown

Rub my skin raw

clean to the bone

And salt will scour me clean

Here is my place to bide

This far I can go

Tearing myself down